I Don't Like Being Squeezed!

As I begin this journey into the unknown of cancer treatment, I'm finding things I don't like. I don't like feeling so tired and lifeless. I don't like wondering how the next round of chemo will affect me differently. But, what I'm really learning is that I don't like being squeezed!

I recently read that just as there is a condition known as "post-traumatic stress", researchers are now talking about "post-traumatic growth." One line of thinking is that adversity can lead to growth. Another is that the highest levels of growth cannot be achieved without adversity.

But adversity doesn't automatically bring growth. Much of the outcome depends on how you respond to adversity. Just as you find out what's inside a tube of toothpaste when it gets squeezed, adversity reveals what you're made of. Sometimes we say, "I could never go through what that person went through." Then we go through it and realize - our heart keeps beating and our world goes on.

You don't know what you're capable of until you have to cope.

As I continue to be squeezed, I pray what comes out will be an encouragement to others. A message of hope that good and growth can come from adversity. A realization that rising to a challenge reveals hidden strengths within us that otherwise would have remained dormant.

More importantly though is that I, along with others being squeezed, recognize that the key to post-traumatic growth is in seeing God in all things, drawing close to Him when we can't understand the situation, and knowing He only has our best interests at heart.

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity....No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us."
(Romans 3: 35a,38)

My Prayer Was a Hazard to My Health!

Have you ever prayed for something, then wished you hadn't? I recently read (and highly recommend) The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. It opened my eyes to the purpose and power of prayer. I came to realize (what I already knew in my heart) that I was tired of being a witness to other people's "only God" experiences. I wanted my own. I wanted to know that God was willing and able to prove Himself real in my own life. I wanted to experience my own miracles. So I prayed a dangerous prayer....


I prayed that God would do whatever He needed to do in my life in order for me to see... That He was real. That He was in control. Specific things He wanted me to know about Him. Things that needed to change in order for our relationship to be stronger. Things I needed to let go of. That He held my future in His hands. A "God only" experience that couldn't be explained by coincidence and that would ultimately bring Him glory.

On June 18, 2013 I was diaganosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. My dangerous prayer had been answered. My response was not "Why me?" but "This is really going to mess up my plans for the next six months!" Then I remembered what I had prayed. I realized this was God's way of getting me to let go of my plans and follow His. This journey is just beginning for me. I had surgery on July 1 to remove the cancerous tumor and had 20+ lymph nodes tested. Three came back positive, so I will begin chemo treatment on August 13 for the next 20 weeks.

I share all this with you, not for you to feel bad for me, but to invite you to follow this journey with me. For those who know me best, I'm not one to talk a lot about personal things in my life. But now may be the time I change that. My desire is to continue to be an encouragement to those who follow me (I hate that term) on Facebook, Twitter and my blog. Everything else has been set aside and put on hold for this "bump in the road", as my doctor calls it. I will continue to post as often as I can.

Have you ever prayed a dangerous prayer? I'd love to hear your story. Don't be afraid to. Don't settle to just be a spectator of other people's "God only" experiences.

Thanks for joining me on this new adventure! Tonia