So what else have I been losing - maybe even more difficult than my hair?...My pride. I have always known I was a proud person (ouch!). Being self-sufficient and independent were qualities I found others admired in me. Being strong, focused and dependable were virtues I wanted people to see in me. But these are slowly being taken away.
The other day I posted a quote by Max Lucado on Facebook that I didn't really think that closely about until people started commenting on it.
"The circumstances we ask God to change are often the circumstances God is using to change us."
I know God is using my cancer "circumstances" to change me - in ways I wasn't expecting, but were definitely necessary. One of the biggest areas is that of allowing people to pray for me. I know that must sound so arrogant - who doesn't appreciate prayer? But to a proud person, we sometimes feel we don't really need any extra intervention, we've got it covered - just me and God is enough.
I am finding that I am SO appreciative to those who tell me they are praying for me and my family...some people I don't even know personally. I was told by my doctor that this battle is so much more than physical, it's a mental battle. This is so true and so hard.
As I've said, I want to continue to be an encouragement as you join me in the journey. Maybe there's a circumstance in your life that God is keeping there in order to change you. Don't try to fight it. Accept it as His way of showing His goodness to you and His love for you.
Will you join me in praying with expectation? As some of you know, we recently found that the cancer has spread to my liver which puts me at Stage 4. My chemo treatments have been adjusted and my doctor feels that remission is in the near future. I am having a total body bone scan this Friday, 9/13 at 12 noon to see if the cancer is in my bones - and I must say, I'm feeling a little anxious.
So putting my pride aside, I am asking for your prayers. I am believing that God wants to use this "circumstance" to do more for me, in me and through me. I have been disappointed, but I can't give up on Him. He understands my weaknesses, which is why He treasures my faith so greatly. So today I am praying, waiting and expecting..... Thanks! Tonia
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)
