When my husband and I attended our Chemo Class before I started treatments, we were told all the negative side effects that I would more than likely experience – mainly hair loss, fatigue and nausea.  As most of you know by now, I have indeed experienced all these and more.

But I have come to realize there are some benefits to this chemo journey. As I wrote last time, over the past 3 months, I have experienced a greater appreciation for others’ kindness, an acceptance of what I can and cannot do these days and an eye-opening awareness of God’s continual peace and constant presence.

Lack of Hair - Hair loss is a time saver. I don’t have to fool with fixing my hair every day – throw on a hat and I’m good to go! It also means no more shaving my under arms and legs. I still have my eyebrows but it also means no more plucking! I don’t know if I’ll be all that excited when it starts growing back!

Lack of Energy - For those who know me, know that I love naps! Because fatigue is a side effect, it can be used as a benefit because now I can nap whenever, wherever and how ever long I want and not feel guilty! It took some time to adjust to this, but now that I have, “a day without a nap is crap!”

Lack of Appetite - I’m not recommending chemo as a weight loss tool, but between lack of appetite from the nausea, dead taste buds and irritating mouth sores, I have managed to lose a few pounds.  I’m still working on stopping myself from eating empty calories that I can’t taste anyway,

I know these things sound silly – but I’ve learned that every situation and circumstance has two sides of looking at it. My family will often refer to me as a Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy - and yes, the glass is always half empty! These days I’m trying to see things from both angles and look for the benefits amidst the bad days. But for me seeing the positive takes extra effort – can you relate?

 I love this verse from Isaiah 43: 19: For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.  What new thing is God doing in your life that He wants you to see?  Don’t let the negative side effects of your situation or circumstances blind you from the pathways and rivers God wants to create in your wilderness/wasteland.

UPDATE:  My last round of the AC chemical was not nearly as bad as round 3 was - mostly just a lot of fatigue.  I start 12 weekly treatments of a new drug this Thursday, 10/17 and have been assured that the side effects will be less severe.   Tonia

 

No Pain...No Gain!

No pain...no gain. No battle..no victory. No contest...no winner. No challenge...no growth. None of these situations makes us feel comfortable, but without them our lives stay stagnant. We stay weak and self-centered. We moan and groan about our problems, and never learn the lessons they are meant to teach us.

Through this cancer journey, I have not experienced a lot of physical pain, mostly mental and emotional - but through it I have gained a whole lot more than an occasional down day. I have gained a new appreciation, acceptance and awareness of many things:

Appreciation...
There aren’t enough words to express our gratitude to all the people we know, and don’t know, who are praying for and supporting our family. It has been overwhelming to me to hear from people I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. Friends I went to high school with 30+ years ago have contacted me and shared their own stories of battles and victories. Friends from college,former churches and schools have reached out. Facebook “friends” I have never met are a daily encouragement. The dear women from our church who have delivered meals on days when cooking is the last thing I want to do and those who gathered together to pray and make a beautiful fleece shawl for me. Those who have used their gifts and talents to make me thoughtful gifts as reminders of their love. Then there are those friends and family who are raising money to run/walk in events this month in my honor. And of course the friends/family I’ve had throughout my life are a constant source of strength! The list is endless. I appreciate you ALL!!

I thank my God every time I remember you. - Philippians 1:3

Acceptance...
Not quite as easy as appreciation but just as important. I’ve come to accept that “for such a time as this” I can’t do all that I was used to doing. My physical strength comes and goes – so I have to plan my activities based on my chemo schedule. Like I tell people, when I feel bad, I feel bad BUT when I feel good, watch out! I’m not able to serve the women of my church as I have in the past BUT I know there is an awesome team that has stepped up to take my place. I’ve gained a new perspective of a verse I never wanted to obey until I was forced to:

Be still, and know that I am God... - Psalm 40:10a

Awareness...
Of course the biggest gain is the awareness of God’s continual peace and constant presence. There are times when I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis. There are times when I feel like I’m fighting this battle all alone (on those pity-party days!) But I was reminded today in a book a friend gave me, Grace for Each Hour, that “the battle against your cancer does not belong to you; it doesn’t even belong to your doctors. It belongs to God. It may have formed an army against you, but His Son already defeated it for you on the Cross.”

This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because
of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.’ - 2 Chron. 20:15

Don’t let the pain of your life keep you from gaining.... a new appreciation for the people in your life,an acceptance of the things you cannot change and an awareness of WHO is fighting your battles!!

UPDATE: I enjoyed Chemo #4 yesterday - 10/3. I had quite a rough response to #3 and will be preparing for the same this time. Beginning 10/17, I will start 12 weekly treatments of a less powerful drug and I've been promised the side effects are much milder:)Thanks for your prayers. Tonia