A Gentle Approach

Everyone wants friends. Everyone needs friends. It is a medical fact that people who have friends live longer. So how do we get friends? Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly." In other words, if you want to be liked by others, it helps if you are likable. And one of the most likable qualities is what the Bible calls "gentleness." Gentleness does not mean weak or wimpy. Its literal definition is, "strength under control."

Today, let's look at a couple verses in James that shows this "strength under control" and see if in fact it would aid in making and keeping friends. In James 1:19-20, we are instructed to "...take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." If we could just grasp this truth and put it into practice in our own lives, our relationships would flourish beyond recognition. Let's break it down...

1) Quick to listen: How well do you listen? Better yet, how well do you hear? There is a difference. In our effort to multi-task, many of us only listen with one ear, while the rest of our attention is focused on something or someone else. How frustrating this is for the one speaking! Being quick to listen involves giving our complete attention. It may not be what we want to hear at the time, (i.e. someone disagreeing with us or correcting us), but none the less, we need to show respect for what they are saying. A good way to prove you really heard them, is to repeat back what you understood them to have said. A true friend listens and hears!

2) Slow to speak: What if what you have heard really upsets you? What if you totally disagree and can't believe a friend would say such a thing? You need to defend yourself and prove you are right, and right NOW. How much unnecessary hurt and damaged relationships could have been avoided if we had just waited to respond? There's a reason this verse specifically tells us to be slow to speak, God knows what the results can look like when we respond out of emotion. Remember, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)...which leads us to number three.

3) Slow to become angry: It's said that if you get #1 and #2 under control, #3 will come naturally. Do you agree? Maybe you have heard something that upsets you, but if you take a step back and not respond immediately, you will find that your anger lessens. You find that you don't have to go back and apologize for something hurtful you said. You find that "strength under control" and can deal with the person/issue in a more productive way. You become an actor, not a reactor. A reactor only tends to leave a mess of hurt and regret in its path, destroying relationships along the way.

4) For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires: I don't think anyone would disagree that steps 1-3 are what God desires for us. Jesus himself is our example of someone who was quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. We know that anger in itself is not sin, but it's what we do when we're angry that can lead there. Proverbs 16:32 tells us that "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." Patience in God's eyes is powerful, anger is not. An angry person does not please God, nor do they attract alot of friends!

As we continue to allow God to produce the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in our life, we can know that we'll be tested. Purpose today to put these steps into action, asking God for "strength under control" as you are quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, knowing that THIS will bring about the righteous life God desires.

Can You Be Counted On?

How important is faithfulness? It must be very important to God, as it is one of the fruit of the Spirit He wants us to develop and grow in our life (Galatians 5:22). It is a characteristic of God that others should see in our lives. Psalm 33:4 - "For the word of the Lord is right and true, he is faithful in all he does." Can you subsitute your name in that verse and it be an accurate statement?

What does it mean to be faithful? It means to be reliable, trustworthy, dependable and consistent. When a friend speaks of you, does she use the words trustworthy and dependable to describe you? When an employer gives you a review, do they commend you for your reliability? When your children look at you, do they see someone who is consistent in their walk and talk?

How would God describe you in this area? Have you broken any promises to Him lately? (ouch!) Have you thought about using the talents He's blessed you with for ministry, but still haven't gotten around to it yet? Are you wasting the time He's given you by living with regret over the past or being consumed with worry about the future? Are you too focused on yourself that you don't see where you could be investing in others? Are you uncommitted to a body of believers because you're still looking for the perfect church? These are some things to ponder when it comes to evaluating our faithfulness!

King Solomon asks in Proverbs 20:6, "...but a faithful man who can find?" Faithfulness is a rare quality. In our instant gratification and immediate action world, sticking with something for the long haul is seen as unnecessary sometimes. If something doesn't work, we throw it away and buy a new one. If a relationship doesn't work, we walk away and find a new one. If a job doesn't work, we quit and look for another one. If God doesn't do what we expect, we give up on Him look for something else to "worship" (ourselves, money, posessions, beauty, career, others, etc.)

Faithfulness - God's and man's - is shown throughout the Bible. I would challenge you to do a word search and see how many verses talk about this fruit of the Spirit. With the power of the Spirit, we can be faithful women of God. We can be "found". We can be described as someone who is reliable, trustworthy, dependable and consistent.

Remember, when we face God in heaven, we will not be rewarded for our abilities, knowledge or good intentions, but for our faithfulness. God has left us in charge of His business here on earth and one day will return ~ will He find YOU faithful? Will He be able to say to you, "Well done my good and faithful servant...come and share your master's happiness." (Matthew 25:21)

Living the Good Life....

Have you noticed that the world's definition of the "good life" hinges on temporary things? The world says we should be happy and enjoying life if we're 1) looking good 2) feeling good and 3) having goods. So what happens when we have a bad hair day, a depressing and frustrating day and our goods break or go out of style? Are we no longer able to live the good life? The Bible says the Christian life should be filled with goodness, not goods. Goodness means "fulfilling a purpose."


Ever wonder why God's reaction to His creation in Genesis 1 was "...and God saw that it was good"? Based on the definition of goodness, we can believe that God was pleased that His creation was fulfilling the purpose for which it was created. He looked around and saw that things were going according to His plan and He liked what He saw! Ephesians 2:10 tells us that "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." When we are fulfilling our purpose and developing goodness in our lives, God is pleased with His creation. Remember, we are not saved by our good works, we are saved to do good works!


When it comes to doing good works, we don't have to look far to realize that people are not naturally good! Despite what the humanistic teachings want us to believe, we are not born instinctively good. According to Titus 3:14, we must "learn to do what is good." Here are five things we must learn to do in order to live the good life - one that fulfills our purpose and pleases God:

1) Master the Bible by becoming a student of God's Word. 2 Timothy 3:16 reminds us that God's Word equips us to do good works. If we want to please God and fulfill our purpose, we must know His Word!

2) Guard your mind - learn to control your thought life. Sin always starts in the mind so we must watch what we put into our mind via our eyes and ears.

3) Develop conviction - know what you stand for and why. An opinion is something you hold. A conviction is something that holds you. Many people have opinions, but few would be willing to suffer or even die for their convictions.

4) Muster the courage to be different - you don't have to "go along" to get along! Third John 11 says "Do not imitate/follow what is evil but what is good."

5) Meet with other believers. Jesus' prayer for His disciples in John 17:15 applies to us as well. He prays that God will protect us from evil. One of the most powerful means He uses to insulate us is the body of believers. We can't learn goodness through isolatation or imitation.


Did you notice that all these steps take an effort on our part? We must master, guard, develop, muster and meet in order to learn to do good. Be encouraged by Galatians 6:9 - "Let us not grow weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."


Go out and make it a GOOD day regardless of how you look, feel or what you have! If you are fulfilling God's purpose and learning to do the good works He created you to do, than nothing the world can offer will ever replace the goodness in your life.

Here's 5 Ways to be Happier at Work by guest, Valorie Burton

Dear Friend,

Since we're celebrating Labor Day this week, I thought it would be the perfect time to talk about how to boost your happiness level at work. Maybe you're not one of those people who jump out of bed excited about getting to work. And if you don't love your current job, it's possible you never will be. But you can be happier while you're there. And wouldn't that be worth the effort? As the saying goes, "If you can't be in the job you love, then love the job you're in."

There are many reasons work can be less than appealing - you don't like it, you don't like your boss, your coworkers are negative or maybe you just feel unappreciated or undercompensated. Perhaps you'd rather be home with your children. Whatever the reason, forget about that for a minute - it is what it is. Instead, focus on some of the simple things you can do to make your work experience a happier one. If you do, research shows that the new-found positive emotion will help you deal better with your stress and even make you healthier.

These five tools can empower you to be happier at work:
1. Gratitude - On a daily basis, choose to find something in your work to be grateful for. Ask yourself at the end of the day, "What was the best thing that happened today?" or "Who or what am I grateful for at work today?"
2. Empathy - Employees who are empathetic are better with customers and their fellow co-workers. You don't have to make excuses for others' bad behavior or frustrations, but you can attempt to put yourself in their shoes so that you can better understand where they are coming from. When you do so, you are less likely to take their limitations or negativity personally. You realize that what they do - whether good or bad - is a reflection of them, not you.
3. Connection - According to Gallup, who has conducted employee engagement surveys that include the question "Do you have a best friend at work?", companies with a substantial number of employees who answer "yes" have reported better employee performance, fewer hazardous accidents, greater productivity, reduced employee theft and retail customers who report a more enjoyable shopping experience. Find ways to connect with your co-workers. It will enrich your everyday work life.
4. Strengths - You have strengths - innate abilities, talents, passion - that are unique to you. When you use your strengths at work, you are more fulfilled and engaged in what you are doing.
5. Engagement - We are engaged when we're "in flow." That simply means that you are doing something in which your abilities match the challenge before you. When the challenge falls below your abilities, you become bored. When the challenge exceeds your current abilities, you get frustrated and may even give up. If you're not being challenged enough, seek out opportunities that will raise the bar - talk to your boss, volunteer for new assignments, and go the extra mile on the projects already on your plate. If the challenge is more than you're equipped to handle right now, ask yourself, "How could I improve my skills?" Then seek the training or find someone who can show you the way.

Being happier at work is a choice. It's all about being intentional by finding ways to make the most of the job you have!