Everyone wants friends. Everyone needs friends. It is a medical fact that people who have friends live longer. So how do we get friends? Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly." In other words, if you want to be liked by others, it helps if you are likable. And one of the most likable qualities is what the Bible calls "gentleness." Gentleness does not mean weak or wimpy. Its literal definition is, "strength under control."
Today, let's look at a couple verses in James that shows this "strength under control" and see if in fact it would aid in making and keeping friends. In James 1:19-20, we are instructed to "...take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." If we could just grasp this truth and put it into practice in our own lives, our relationships would flourish beyond recognition. Let's break it down...
1) Quick to listen: How well do you listen? Better yet, how well do you hear? There is a difference. In our effort to multi-task, many of us only listen with one ear, while the rest of our attention is focused on something or someone else. How frustrating this is for the one speaking! Being quick to listen involves giving our complete attention. It may not be what we want to hear at the time, (i.e. someone disagreeing with us or correcting us), but none the less, we need to show respect for what they are saying. A good way to prove you really heard them, is to repeat back what you understood them to have said. A true friend listens and hears!
2) Slow to speak: What if what you have heard really upsets you? What if you totally disagree and can't believe a friend would say such a thing? You need to defend yourself and prove you are right, and right NOW. How much unnecessary hurt and damaged relationships could have been avoided if we had just waited to respond? There's a reason this verse specifically tells us to be slow to speak, God knows what the results can look like when we respond out of emotion. Remember, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)...which leads us to number three.
3) Slow to become angry: It's said that if you get #1 and #2 under control, #3 will come naturally. Do you agree? Maybe you have heard something that upsets you, but if you take a step back and not respond immediately, you will find that your anger lessens. You find that you don't have to go back and apologize for something hurtful you said. You find that "strength under control" and can deal with the person/issue in a more productive way. You become an actor, not a reactor. A reactor only tends to leave a mess of hurt and regret in its path, destroying relationships along the way.
4) For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires: I don't think anyone would disagree that steps 1-3 are what God desires for us. Jesus himself is our example of someone who was quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. We know that anger in itself is not sin, but it's what we do when we're angry that can lead there. Proverbs 16:32 tells us that "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." Patience in God's eyes is powerful, anger is not. An angry person does not please God, nor do they attract alot of friends!
As we continue to allow God to produce the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in our life, we can know that we'll be tested. Purpose today to put these steps into action, asking God for "strength under control" as you are quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, knowing that THIS will bring about the righteous life God desires.
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