So what else have I been losing - maybe even more difficult than my hair?...My pride. I have always known I was a proud person (ouch!). Being self-sufficient and independent were qualities I found others admired in me. Being strong, focused and dependable were virtues I wanted people to see in me. But these are slowly being taken away.
The other day I posted a quote by Max Lucado on Facebook that I didn't really think that closely about until people started commenting on it.
"The circumstances we ask God to change are often the circumstances God is using to change us."
I know God is using my cancer "circumstances" to change me - in ways I wasn't expecting, but were definitely necessary. One of the biggest areas is that of allowing people to pray for me. I know that must sound so arrogant - who doesn't appreciate prayer? But to a proud person, we sometimes feel we don't really need any extra intervention, we've got it covered - just me and God is enough.
I am finding that I am SO appreciative to those who tell me they are praying for me and my family...some people I don't even know personally. I was told by my doctor that this battle is so much more than physical, it's a mental battle. This is so true and so hard.
As I've said, I want to continue to be an encouragement as you join me in the journey. Maybe there's a circumstance in your life that God is keeping there in order to change you. Don't try to fight it. Accept it as His way of showing His goodness to you and His love for you.
Will you join me in praying with expectation? As some of you know, we recently found that the cancer has spread to my liver which puts me at Stage 4. My chemo treatments have been adjusted and my doctor feels that remission is in the near future. I am having a total body bone scan this Friday, 9/13 at 12 noon to see if the cancer is in my bones - and I must say, I'm feeling a little anxious.
So putting my pride aside, I am asking for your prayers. I am believing that God wants to use this "circumstance" to do more for me, in me and through me. I have been disappointed, but I can't give up on Him. He understands my weaknesses, which is why He treasures my faith so greatly. So today I am praying, waiting and expecting..... Thanks! Tonia
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)
7 comments:
Tonia, we have connected through Facebook and I wanted you to know that while I have not experienced cancer, personally, I walked down the path with my mother. It is certainly both a physical and a mental battle. But it is a battle for which God has prepared you. And He's right beside you every single step of the way.
I saw the quote you posted, the other day, and connected with it in my own life. What a big "aha" and depth of maturity to be able to say that even the difficult times are God's way of working good in our lives. Stand firm and strong, my friend! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
And, personally, I think shaved heads are beautiful! What a sign of strength, hope, and courage...
Blessings,
Julie Smith
Thanks for your encouraging words today Julie! Somedays I don't feel prepared for this, BUT do know that I'm not in this alone.
The qoute you posted has a great message. "The circumstances we ask God to change are often the circumstances God is using to change us" WOW! So true, God uses our circumstances to mold us into who he wants us to be. The person we have yet to become. He isn't done with you yet. You will have a wonderful testimony to share with otherS! You already do. We are praying for a COMPLETE healing in you, Tonia. We are believing he is using you to do his work here. Keep your chin up and remember he is holding you in the palm of his hand... Blessings... P.s. loving the new doo :)
My Dear Cousin, there are now words, just I love you and we are praying for you and your precious family. ALL of them. Be blessed, be encouraged and continue to shine His Light.
Sharon
Tonia you are such an inspiration to everyone. Know that we are praying for you and your family and sending lots of love your way. My God wrap his loving arms around you and surround you with love, strength, and comfort.
Tonia, As I read your thoughts here, it took me back to last year and my cancer and chemotherapy. Honestly, I had much the same thoughts. I saw my self in many of your thoughts. I am the independent, need of no one person. I don't need people praying for me. All that changes, with what you are going through. I pray that God would continue to use you to encourage others, even through your own battle with cancer. God bless you.
John Lyman
I am late to the prayer party/awareness! But i want to share and pray with you - a cousins love, a warriors fervor, moments of peace and joy each day. You share these, so willingly, by your care and ministry to others. Happy that you can experience this reflected back for you.
All our best and love,
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