If we are to truly experience forgiveness in our life, we must be willing to release the offender ~ easier said than done in some cases! If you can picture your unforgiveness as a tight hold you have on the other person; a firm grip that you want to cause pain or even a noose around their neck....there needs to be a conscious act of releasing.
The following is an excerpt from the book, How to Forgive When You Don't Feel Like It.....
To forgive means to release your resentment toward your offender. In the New Testament, the Greek verb aphiemi primarily means -"to send away, to forgive or release the penalty when someone wrongs you." This implies that you need to release your right to hear "I'm sorry," to release your right to be bitter, to release your right to get even. The Bible says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody."(Romans 12:17)
To forgive is to release your rights regarding the offense. This means to release your right to dwell on this offense, to release your right to hold on to the offense, to release your right to keep bringing up the offense. The book of Proverbs says it well: "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." (Proverbs 17:9)
Is the act of releasing/forgiving just a one time thing? Jesus answered - "How often should I forgive someone who sins against me?....Not seven times, but seventy times seven!" (Matthew 18:21-22 NLT) You will know you have released your offender when you can think about them and it doesn't hurt anymore. When you can pray for God's blessing on their life. This may take years of daily releasing, depending on how deep the hurt is. Forgiving them does not mean you allow them to keep hurting you! It doesn't mean going back into an abusive or dangerous relationship. But it does mean that you must release those who have hurt you so you can be healed personally. Remember, you are doing this for your own sake, not for others!
I could ask you to list all the benefits (emotional, physical, spiritual) you have received from holding onto unforgiveness, but I don't think you'd have much to list. Release the grip you have on your offender(s) today and move on to a life of healing and freedom!
Encouragement for Purpose-Full Living!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Blessings of Forgiveness by Marybeth Whalen
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14 (NIV)
I sat listening to my Bible study leader as she took us through our lesson in Genesis. I should have been paying attention but my thoughts kept drifting back to hurtful words and bad memories. It had been weeks since I had spoken to the person who had said those hurtful things, but the pain was still fresh.
I wanted to move on, but I didn't know how. I was caught and I could not get free. The hurt replayed in my mind over and over, a never ending film-loop of words and actions.
That day in Bible study we covered the story of Joseph. I will never forget as we got to the place where his brothers cowered in front of him after realizing who he was…and what they had done (Genesis 50:18). In that moment I will admit that in my humanness, I wanted Joseph to hurt them as much as he had been hurt. At the very least, I wanted him to turn them away as they deserved. Even though I knew the story, I still hoped for a different ending.
And yet, the ending went on just as it had before. Joseph offered his brothers—the brothers that had sold him as a slave—forgiveness. He reached out to them and restored them to a place they didn't deserve. He didn't do it because of them. He did it because of God. He knew what it meant to be forgiven, and he knew the power in extending forgiveness to someone else. I will never forget that moment when God spoke to my heart: "You need to forgive as Joseph forgave."
I will confess I didn't want to offer my forgiveness. God showed me that I was hanging onto my unforgiveness like a burlap security blanket. It was time to offer my forgiveness—not because the person had earned it or deserved it, but because God had asked me to forgive out of simple obedience to Him. Just as He had forgiven me. It was, He reminded me, the least I could do.
In my novel, The Mailbox, the main character Lindsey has several people she must forgive during the course of the story. She learns that there is freedom and peace that is released at the moment we forgive, which makes her eager to forgive even more. This happened to me as well. I heard once that unforgiveness is like eating poison while waiting for the other person to die. Better to walk in the freedom of simply doing what God has asked and let Him take care of the rest. God required me to sacrifice my pride in exchange for the blessing of peace in that relationship. It was definitely worth it and I would do it all over again.
Dear Lord, help me extend forgiveness to those who have hurt me, even when I don't feel that they deserve it. The truth is, I didn't deserve Your forgiveness. Thank You for forgiving me and please help me forgive others as freely as You do. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:Is there someone you need to forgive? Spend time journaling about what's holding you back, then pray and ask God's help in extending forgiveness to that person.
Mark 11:25, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14 (NIV)
I sat listening to my Bible study leader as she took us through our lesson in Genesis. I should have been paying attention but my thoughts kept drifting back to hurtful words and bad memories. It had been weeks since I had spoken to the person who had said those hurtful things, but the pain was still fresh.
I wanted to move on, but I didn't know how. I was caught and I could not get free. The hurt replayed in my mind over and over, a never ending film-loop of words and actions.
That day in Bible study we covered the story of Joseph. I will never forget as we got to the place where his brothers cowered in front of him after realizing who he was…and what they had done (Genesis 50:18). In that moment I will admit that in my humanness, I wanted Joseph to hurt them as much as he had been hurt. At the very least, I wanted him to turn them away as they deserved. Even though I knew the story, I still hoped for a different ending.
And yet, the ending went on just as it had before. Joseph offered his brothers—the brothers that had sold him as a slave—forgiveness. He reached out to them and restored them to a place they didn't deserve. He didn't do it because of them. He did it because of God. He knew what it meant to be forgiven, and he knew the power in extending forgiveness to someone else. I will never forget that moment when God spoke to my heart: "You need to forgive as Joseph forgave."
I will confess I didn't want to offer my forgiveness. God showed me that I was hanging onto my unforgiveness like a burlap security blanket. It was time to offer my forgiveness—not because the person had earned it or deserved it, but because God had asked me to forgive out of simple obedience to Him. Just as He had forgiven me. It was, He reminded me, the least I could do.
In my novel, The Mailbox, the main character Lindsey has several people she must forgive during the course of the story. She learns that there is freedom and peace that is released at the moment we forgive, which makes her eager to forgive even more. This happened to me as well. I heard once that unforgiveness is like eating poison while waiting for the other person to die. Better to walk in the freedom of simply doing what God has asked and let Him take care of the rest. God required me to sacrifice my pride in exchange for the blessing of peace in that relationship. It was definitely worth it and I would do it all over again.
Dear Lord, help me extend forgiveness to those who have hurt me, even when I don't feel that they deserve it. The truth is, I didn't deserve Your forgiveness. Thank You for forgiving me and please help me forgive others as freely as You do. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:Is there someone you need to forgive? Spend time journaling about what's holding you back, then pray and ask God's help in extending forgiveness to that person.
Mark 11:25, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)
Friday, June 4, 2010
Let It Go!
Do you struggle with unforgiveness? Whether it's forgiving someone who has treated you wrong OR forgiving yourself for some offense you have committed. The subject has come up several times in the past few weeks and I recognize it as a nudge from God to talk about it with you!
Let's address the issue of unforgiveness first. I know some of you have been hurt in ways that would be considered "unforgive-able" by many. You have had things done to you that you had no control over. Regardless of how much time has passed, you are still carrying around a heavy load of guilt and shame. Some of you have been victims of verbal abuse and bare the scars of worthlessness. Some of you have been controlled and manipulated for so long that you feel helpless and have no voice. Others of you have had your hearts shattered so badly that you believe you will never be whole again. Still others may be holding on to the hurt from betrayal, back-stabbing, being blind-sided or back-handed.
How have you been dealing with the pain? Has it been working for you? Hanging on to anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness only hurts you! Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping it will cause the person who hurt you pain. Our bodies were not created to digest this "poison" of unforgiveness. More importantly, our relationship with God cannot be broken because of unforgiveness. In the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:12) Jesus instructs us to pray - "forgive us our sins AS we have forgiven those who sin against us." Verses 14-15 are even more direct - "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Consider the way The Message puts it - "You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part." I don't know about you, but I want and need God to forgive my sins!
Maybe you've been holding on to this pain in private. Maybe no one knows you are harboring anger and unforgiveness against someone. You've been putting on a good show on the outside, but inside the "poison" is eating you alive. The first step to forgiveness is revealing the hurt. You can't get over the hurt until you admit the pain exists. Are you ready to be healed? Are you willing to let it go? Can you admit that your way of dealing with it isn't working? Do you want to be rid of the baggage you've been carrying around all these years? If you answered, YES...there's some work you'll need to do.
Homework: Over the next few days, think about the people you have not forgiven. (One way of knowing is that when you think about them/the situation, it still creates negative emotions in you - anger, resentment, fear, hatred, etc.) Now, 1) write down their name(s) and 2) what they did 3) describe the emotion you feel toward that person and 4) list the impact it had or continues to have on you. Put it in writing. Be specific (as painful as it may be). Be honest (God already knows the details, but He wants you to acknowledge them). Keep it private.
Recommended Reading - How to Forgive...When You Don't Feel Like It by June Hunt
Next time: How to release the offender - forever - and receive healing.
Let's address the issue of unforgiveness first. I know some of you have been hurt in ways that would be considered "unforgive-able" by many. You have had things done to you that you had no control over. Regardless of how much time has passed, you are still carrying around a heavy load of guilt and shame. Some of you have been victims of verbal abuse and bare the scars of worthlessness. Some of you have been controlled and manipulated for so long that you feel helpless and have no voice. Others of you have had your hearts shattered so badly that you believe you will never be whole again. Still others may be holding on to the hurt from betrayal, back-stabbing, being blind-sided or back-handed.
How have you been dealing with the pain? Has it been working for you? Hanging on to anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness only hurts you! Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping it will cause the person who hurt you pain. Our bodies were not created to digest this "poison" of unforgiveness. More importantly, our relationship with God cannot be broken because of unforgiveness. In the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:12) Jesus instructs us to pray - "forgive us our sins AS we have forgiven those who sin against us." Verses 14-15 are even more direct - "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Consider the way The Message puts it - "You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part." I don't know about you, but I want and need God to forgive my sins!
Maybe you've been holding on to this pain in private. Maybe no one knows you are harboring anger and unforgiveness against someone. You've been putting on a good show on the outside, but inside the "poison" is eating you alive. The first step to forgiveness is revealing the hurt. You can't get over the hurt until you admit the pain exists. Are you ready to be healed? Are you willing to let it go? Can you admit that your way of dealing with it isn't working? Do you want to be rid of the baggage you've been carrying around all these years? If you answered, YES...there's some work you'll need to do.
Homework: Over the next few days, think about the people you have not forgiven. (One way of knowing is that when you think about them/the situation, it still creates negative emotions in you - anger, resentment, fear, hatred, etc.) Now, 1) write down their name(s) and 2) what they did 3) describe the emotion you feel toward that person and 4) list the impact it had or continues to have on you. Put it in writing. Be specific (as painful as it may be). Be honest (God already knows the details, but He wants you to acknowledge them). Keep it private.
Recommended Reading - How to Forgive...When You Don't Feel Like It by June Hunt
Next time: How to release the offender - forever - and receive healing.
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