Have you ever prayed for something, then wished you hadn't? I recently read (and highly recommend) The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. It opened my eyes to the purpose and power of prayer. I came to realize (what I already knew in my heart) that I was tired of being a witness to other people's "only God" experiences. I wanted my own. I wanted to know that God was willing and able to prove Himself real in my own life. I wanted to experience my own miracles. So I prayed a dangerous prayer....
I prayed that God would do whatever He needed to do in my life in order for me to see... That He was real. That He was in control. Specific things He wanted me to know about Him. Things that needed to change in order for our relationship to be stronger. Things I needed to let go of. That He held my future in His hands. A "God only" experience that couldn't be explained by coincidence and that would ultimately bring Him glory.
On June 18, 2013 I was diaganosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. My dangerous prayer had been answered. My response was not "Why me?" but "This is really going to mess up my plans for the next six months!" Then I remembered what I had prayed. I realized this was God's way of getting me to let go of my plans and follow His. This journey is just beginning for me. I had surgery on July 1 to remove the cancerous tumor and had 20+ lymph nodes tested. Three came back positive, so I will begin chemo treatment on August 13 for the next 20 weeks.
I share all this with you, not for you to feel bad for me, but to invite you to follow this journey with me. For those who know me best, I'm not one to talk a lot about personal things in my life. But now may be the time I change that. My desire is to continue to be an encouragement to those who follow me (I hate that term) on Facebook, Twitter and my blog. Everything else has been set aside and put on hold for this "bump in the road", as my doctor calls it. I will continue to post as often as I can.
Have you ever prayed a dangerous prayer? I'd love to hear your story. Don't be afraid to. Don't settle to just be a spectator of other people's "God only" experiences.
Thanks for joining me on this new adventure! Tonia
4 comments:
I look forward to seeing what God shows you through this "bump in the road." I would have said the same thing ... seems my days are filled with plans that I have set out...maybe the lesson at this point for all of us is ... Are the plans we are following ours?? or Gods?? hmmmmmm. I'm proud of you for sharing your journey~ that takes courage, strength and wisdom. I'll be praying as always.
I was doing a Beth Moore study and wanted to have that kind of close, personal relationship with God. So I prayed and asked God to do what He needed to do to make me one of His girls. I wanted my life to be about bringing glory to Him and not to myself. I didn't know how He was going to do this because I was shy and a people pleaser. So God also brought me into the "chemo arena" and after two years of struggling, I emerged from the potter's hands as a new vessel. I couldn't do this on my own no matter how hard I tried or studied. I needed God to do His work in me. I learned the truth of Isaiah 43: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; You are mine! When you pass thru the waters (chemo), I will be with you; When you pass through the rivers (tears), They will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire (radiation), You will not be burned. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.
Now I know God in a personal way, when I read His word it is His word to me for the day.
I am not saying it is easy but the blessings that come from a totally surrendered life are awesome and I wouldn't trade my trial for anything in this world. Now I am the new and improved Eileen - by His grace; not by my works.
Thank you all for sharing Tonia. Eileen, that is a scripture I needed to read atm, it softened my heart. I too prayed for a man & he was everything I ever imagined... just by chance we met, but he was a fraud. stained by telling lies. but his actions lead me to do other things that I'm not yet sure of the outcome, so I can just put my trust in the lord and be comfortable that this is to be part of my journey as well. I keep you all in my prayers for recovery, in Jesus name Amen
I was missing your emails. I thank God that you share your story. It has truly blessed me. I went through a test a year ago when things was strip away from me and God want to see if I had pride and I didn't. I kept moving in him and serving him even when people asks me where is your God why do he allow you to suffer. But he was making me for bigger and better things. My prayer is with you and I will continue to follow your journey with you. Peace and Blessing.
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